I am in a funk. Over the weekend we bought E her big girl bed and took down the crib. I know it was way past time but why can't she stay little forever. We are having a garage sale this weekend and D is making me get rid of all of the baby stuff I had hopefully hung onto.
As I pull out all of the toys and baby items I am filled with a great sadness. I remember everything. Which toys were her favorite and who gave her what for Christmas and birthdays and even the baby shower. I have stashed a few things, some of the outfits she wore in her pictures, some of her favrotie baby toys.
My heart longs for another baby, but alas that isn't going to happen for me unless I get a new husband. I can't see breaking up a happy life to try and find someone new just to satisfy my selfish craving. I love my husband and daughter more than anything else.
This weekend will be very hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I love that E is bigger now and we can do things together like get our hair cut and snuggle in a big bed but I feel as if we are missing something in our family. Hopefully I will be able to get over that feeling soon.
So instead of being sad I need to be happy that I am done with bottles and 2am feedings and diapers and move on to the next phase of our life.
6 comments:
Oh honey.(((HUGS))) on all your feelings. I know it's so very hard not to be on the same paige, but somebody has to give and if it's choosing on the side of keeping your marriage intact, well what can you do?
Loads of love and strength coming your way.
Awww C. I am very sorry. I am not sure if you remember but up until a year ago I really thought we were going to have another baby. I mean I "craved" it. But B had other plans and that didn't include a baby. I was heartbroken and even to today I still think about it. I have to stop myself though and like you be happy with what I have and not think about what I don't. I wil say. It does get easier as time goes on. xoxo ~J
Awwww, Court. While my heart aches for you, I'm so proud of how mature and reasonable you are handling it. I hope someday to be as selfless on such huge issues. I really do believe time has a way of lessing the initial impact of saddness, into something completely tolerable and acceptable. Accolades to you!
I thought of you this weekend. I hope you did ok sweetie.
I'm a bit late on this but (((hugs)) to you!! It's hard, but i'm glad you are looking at all the positives instead. :)
oh sweetie (((((((HUGS)))))) to you. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.
No amazing words or thoughts...just a ton of hugs and love!
xoxo
Ang
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